• Ainlay vs Infernal Support: A ghost story for the modern era by Si Clarke. Cover is black with green flames. There's a cartoon ghost above the title with serveral icons: a phone, a teapot, and a jack-o'-lantern.
  • Ainlay vs Infernal Supprt by Si Clarke I can see dead people! Technical glitch Unexpected housemate Found family Infuriating chatbot
  • What readers are saying about the series... 5 stars 'SUPER CUTE QUICK READ' 5 stars 'FUNNY, WEIRD, SNARKY' 5 stars 'A BLEND OF HORROR, HUMOUR AND... JUST LIFE' 5 stars 'I HADN'T THOUGHT THAT CREEPY COMEDY WAS A GENRE THAT EXISTED, BUT SI CLARKE PULLS IT OFF.' 4 stars 'GIGGLE-WORTHY SASS' Deptford Paranormals by Si Clarke
  • What readers are saying about the series... 'SMALL STORY' 'I NEEDED MORE' 'VERY SHORT' 'ABRUPT' 'I RECEIVED THE WRONG BOOK' Deptford Paranormals by Si Clarke
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Written by Si Clarke

Ainlay vs Infernal Support (Deptford Paranormals #2) ebook

Ainlay vs Infernal Support (Deptford Paranormals #2) ebook

There are three certainties in modern life: death, taxes, and infuriating customer support.

A ghost story for the modern era

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£1.99 GBP
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    How will I get my book?

    You will receive your choice of epub (suitable for most ereaders or devices), mobi (for Kindle), or PDF files (for reading in your browser). Files will be delivered by BookFunnel.

    Can I read a sample?

    Ainlay

    Hi. I think I need some help, please.

    Elys

    Hello there! 👋 It’s nice to meet you!

    This is Elys speaking 👻 What’s your name?

    Ainlay

    Ainlay Harrison.

    Elys

    Hi, Ainlay Harrison. What brings you here today? Please use the navigation links below or ask me anything 🪄

    Introduce me to Elys 👉

    I need to schedule a poltergeist repair 🔌

    I have questions 😊

    I’m lonely 👀

    Ainlay

    What? Ugh, fine.

    I have questions 😊

    Elys

    Thanks, Ainlay Harrison. Okay, here are some options. Tell me which one suits your situation best

    New people have moved into my home and I don’t like it 👉

    How can I interact with physical objects? 🕯️

    Why don’t I fall through the floor? 🧺

    I’m lonely 👀

    Ainlay

    No, you stupid thing.

    I think there’s something wrong with my assignment.

    Elys

    Thank you, Ainlay Harrison. You have indicated you need to schedule a poltergeist repair ⏰

    Ainlay

    What? No, I haven’t.

    No.

    Elys

    I’m sorry, Ainlay Harrison. I’m afraid I didn’t get that. Please use the navigation links below or ask me anything 🪄

    Introduce me to Elys 👉

    I need to schedule a poltergeist repair 🔌

    I have questions 😊

    I’m lonely 👀

    Ainlay

    There’s a problem with my assignment.

    Elys

    Thank you, Ainlay Harrison. You have indicated you are experiencing loneliness ❤️

    Loneliness is a perfectly normal feeling 😢 Here are some things you might try to help alleviate that feeling

    Chat with Elys 👉

    If there are pets 🦆 or babies 🐻 in your residence, try talking to them 

    Give people-watching a go, either within your residence or through a window 🚪

    Tell yourself a story 🎨

    Ainlay

    I’m not lonely, you piece of— 

    Elys

    Infernal Technologies hlc records show that you have attempted to throw your AfterPhone™ at the wall. Please be advised that this device has been assigned to you by Infernal Technologies hlc to help facilitate your AfterLife™. Attempts to rid yourself of your device or to destroy it will not work, but will result in points being deducted from your Ecto account 😿

    Ainlay

    Gah!

    SPEAK TO A PERSON.

    Elys

    I’m sorry, Ainlay Harrison. Unalive agents 😵 are only available to help spirits with Ecto points balances of +211 or more

    Ainlay

    Stop talking to me in emojis, you piece of garbage!

    What’s my points balance?

    Elys

    Your Ecto points balance is currently –17, Ainlay Harrison

    Ainlay

    It’s Ainlay, you wanker. Just Ainlay. 

    Also… What? 

    Elys

    Your points balance is currently –23, Ainlay, you wanker

    Ainlay

    For crap sake, call me Ainlay.

    And a second ago, it was –17? How is it now –23, you electronic twatwaffle?

    Elys

    Your points balance is currently –31, Ainlay

    Ainlay

    How is my points balance negative?

    Elys

    Points were deducted when you attempted to throw your AfterPhone™ at the wall. And additional points were deducted for your abusive behaviour towards Elys

    Ainlay

    But you’re Elys.

    Elys

    That’s right, Ainlay

    Ainlay

    Points were deducted because I called you a twatwaffle?

    Elys

    That’s right, Ainlay

    And also because you called Elys a piece of garbage

    And also because you called Elys a stupid thing

    Ainlay

    *You*. Because I called you a piece of garbage.

    Elys

    That’s right, Ainlay

    Ainlay

    But you’re not a person, right?

    Like, you’re a piece of code, yeah?

    Elys

    Elys is a state-of-the-art construct designed by Infernal Technologies hlc to help facilitate your transition to the AfterLife™ and to ensure your AfterLife™ is a productive one

    Ainlay

    Software. You’re software.

    Elys

    Elys is a state-of-the-art construct designed by Infernal Technologies hlc to help facilitate your transition to the AfterLife™ and to ensure your AfterLife™ is a productive one

    Ainlay

    Whatever.

    How do I get points?

    Positive ones, I mean.

    Elys

    Points are awarded for successful hauntings

    Ainlay

    What? But I’ve been doing that!

    Elys

    Infernal Technologies hlc records show that you haven’t successfully haunted Jordan Healy

    Ainlay

    …

    …

    Well, yeah. That’s what I need help with.

    Elys

    How can Elys help you today, Ainlay?

    Ainlay

    I can’t complete my haunting.

    Elys

    Have you tried wailing? Many spirits report excellent results from wailing, especially when performed in the middle of the night

    Ainlay

    Yes, I’ve tried wailing.

    Elys

    Have you tried pushing objects to the floor? That often produces both terror and confusion in the before-death community

    Ainlay

    I’ve tried it.

    Elys

    Click below to watch a HaunTube video on how to interact with the physical world

    Spectral mechanics: More than just pushing bowls off tables

    Ainlay

    That’s not the problem.

    Elys

    Please use the navigation buttons below to help me direct you to the most useful article or video 

    My assigned site has been redeveloped into a block of flats

    Update my details in the Necronomicon

    Schedule a poltergeist repair 

    I’m lonely 

    Ainlay

    …

    …

    There’s a problem with my assignment.

    Elys

    Has your assigned site been redeveloped into a block of flats, Ainlay?

    Ainlay

    It’s not that. I’m at the wrong address!

    Elys

    You have selected schedule a poltergeist repair 

    Ainlay

    You complete cockpotato – I’ve done nothing of the sort.

    Elys

    Our records indicate there’s no poltergeist currently assigned to you. This chat will now end

    Elys has left the chat

    Your current Ecto points balance is –61

    Please help Infernal Technologies hlc improve by rating your experience with Elys today

    😐 🙂 😀 😃 🥰

    Why should I buy direct from the author?

    When I published my first book in January 2020, someone at work laughed and asked me when I was going to quit my job. 

    There's this perception out there that authors are wealthy people. And I'm sure the big names (e.g. Richard Osman, Stephen King, John Scalzi, etc.) are doing just fine.

    But it's not like that for indie authors. It's tough out there. There are great, amazing things about being an indie author. But most of us aren't making bank.

    You know who is making money out of books? Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon.

    You may have noticed a move in recent years of indie authors selling their books directly to you. There's a reason for that. 

    If you buy a book for 0.99 from Amazon, the author gets to keep maybe 0.26 of that. Maybe. It depends on the file size. And they won't even get that for around 3 months. But if you buy a book from an author for 0.99, the author gets to keep around 0.83. And we get that money within days.

    Because that first book I mentioned? Four years later, it hasn't come close to paying for itself. 

    If you can't buy direct, libraries are a great way to get books for free while still helping authors get their fair share. 

    What's the deal with audiobooks?

    This book will be available as an audiobook just as soon as I have the funds available. I'm a big believer in inclusivity and accessibility. Ideally, I want all my books available in all formats. But, from a pragmatic standpoint, they're expensive to produce.

    How long is this book?

    0–1 hours

    13k words / 76 pages

    There are three certainties in modern life: death, taxes, and infuriating customer support.

    Even when you’re dead, you can’t catch a break. Ainlay Harrison is surprised to wake up as a ghost – and even more surprised to be onboarded into the AfterLife™’s most exciting project: hauntings.

    After a simple typo leaves Ainlay stranded at the wrong address, the only option is to correct the mistake – but that means going through the most feared and hated monster on either side of the grave: a customer service chatbot.

    Some things never change … and fighting through undead bureaucracy is enough to make anyone want to die. Will this blasted chatbot be enough to drive Ainlay to end it all? Or is there some way to drill some sense into this infernal bot?

    This tongue-in-cheek satirical novelette pokes fun at the gruelling realities of customer support and bureaucracy. Ainlay vs Infernal Support is a fun and witty read that’s perfect for fans of non-romantic paranormal cosies.

    Scroll up and grab your copy now!

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    Customer Reviews

    Based on 2 reviews
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    L
    Lisa Lowander
    A good read.

    This was a fun read. I blew through it and it left me wanting more!

    R
    Robin
    Fun story

    A fun story. In some ways, it reminded me of the TV series Ghosts. I like that the author deliberately didn't specify the gender of any characters, although I only realised that when I read the acknowledgements 🙂