From Frozen Heck (Starship Teapot #4)
The front and sleeves of my hoodie – my original Earth-made hoodie – were coated in blood.
‘Hawwuh, kuh kah suh fuh meh, puzh?’ As in, Holly, can you call someone for me, please?
‘Please repeat the question,’ said Holly unhelpfully.
Great. How am I supposed to call for help when I can’t bloody speak properly? The pun left me biting back a chuckle that would undoubtedly hurt like a bastard. I stepped back into the main room, holding the towel to my face with one hand and fumbling my phone with the other, trying to text someone for help. Only the device was slick with blood and impossible to hold onto.
Spock ran over and sniffed at my face. She pushed me backwards until I landed on my arse on the sofa, then stood astride me, licking my face. ‘Lem broken.’
The door whooshed open, admitting both BB and Henry.
‘What have you done to the ship, sandwich?’ said the robot. ‘And why is your ducking user interface leaking?’
Still standing over me, Spock turned. In doing so, her paw dug into me – it felt like she was trying to push all the way through to my kidney. ‘Lem broken,’ she repeated over the sound of my cries.
BB clucked her beak as she prodded at me. ‘Oh dear, Lem! What have you done to yourself? Is your body trying to kill you again?’
‘Whuh oo do hee?’ That time I was nearly coherent, I was sure of it. I looked up at the doc so she could get a look at me.
‘I’ve no idea what you just said.’ The overhead lights in the room came on as BB took the towel from my hand and peeled it back slowly so she could inspect my injury. ‘But if you’re asking what I’m doing here, the answer is that Spock called me. She said it was a medical emergency. If you’re asking how bad it is … well, you’ll live. Probably. I assume. But we should get you to the medlab so I can patch you up. And, Henry’ – BB looked over my shoulder – ‘we’ll need you to print a replica of some of Lem’s mouth bones.’
Henry’s smooth, posh tones responded. ‘You don’t think maybe I should investigate why the bollarding ship suddenly came to a complete halt in the middle of frolicking nowhere, do you?’
‘Emergency! Wake everyone.’ Spock’s voice was calm but authoritative.
The lights flashed purple. ‘Mauve alert,’ said Holly in my ear. ‘All hands to Ten Backwards. Mauve alert.’
Did Spock really just put the Teapot into some sort of alert mode? Because I bonked my noggin?
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