The Night Before (a Starship Teapot short) ebook

’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Teapot…

Not a creature was stirring, not even a lonely robot;

The stockings were hung in the mess hall with care

In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.


* * *


Two weeks earlier


I finished brushing my teeth and looked in the mirror. It had been almost a month since I’d had my hair done. The pink and blue streaks were fading back to my normal ashy blond. Shame.


‘Hey, Holly.’


‘Yes, Lem,’ my personal assistance device and translator replied. Although it provided the voices for everyone I met in space, its own voice was flat and expressionless – like a text-to-speech app. ‘How can I be of service?’


‘I was thinking.’ Squinting, I prodded at a spot on my cheek. ‘If we assume the bunnyboos had Spock and me in stasis for just a few hours, then you should be able to calculate what day it is on Earth now, right?’ The bunnyboos were aliens who had kidnapped Spock – my German shepherd – and me from Earth several months before. Since escaping, my new friends and I had set up a galactic transport and logistics company. Quite the career change for this IT project manager.


Was I feeling homesick?


Yes. No. Maybe. Sort of. It’s complicated.


‘How many hours would you like me to factor into that equation, Lem?’


I turned from the mirror and left the bathroom. Spock glanced up at me from the bed, only her eyes moving. ‘Whatever. I don’t know. It doesn’t make much difference. Say, eight hours, I guess.’ I waved my arms in a sort of shrug. ‘Please. Thanks.’


‘Based on that assumption and factoring in the difference in the length of the days, I estimate today’s date is the tenth of December.’


* * *


The Teapotters were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And Spock in her kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our brains for a long space nap.